The Fierce Urgency of the Dow

The Dow Jones Industrial Average, after rebounding late last week following near-catastrophic declines, was down again on Monday by 370 points. (State retirement funds have taken a tough hit, with some investments shedding millions of dollars worth of value in just a few days, the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette’s Mike Wickline reported a couple of days back.)

It’s times like these that I’m glad my investment portfolio consists of a large box of rifle ammunition, several cartons of cigarettes, a pallet of canned beans, two big bags of silver coins and three dozen liter jugs of peach brandy (it was on sale). It’s all stashed in my crawl space in preparation for the final global financial meltdown, which I suppose should happen in the next three months or so. So who’s stupid now, Mr. Smart Guy Brokerage Firm Retirement Planning Advisor?

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