Let’s All Go Buy Lottery Tickets At Midnight
If you don’t have anything to do at midnight, then you should go to the big kick-off ceremony for the Arkansas lottery at some random gas station in West Little Rock. Hooray! Free money for all! (Unless you listen to John “Buzzkill” Lyon at the Arkansas News Bureau, who’s decided it’s his job to bring everybody down with his “statistical probabilities” and such.)
The midnight observance is lottery director Ernie P.’s way of giving the finger to all those pesky news reporters who have been antagonizing him all these months with questions about exorbitant salaries for lottery employees and sketchy contracting practices. Ha, screw you, newspeople. You should have gone to law school like everyone else.
Gov. Mike Beebe says he won’t be buying any lottery tickets, probably because Mrs. Beebe won’t let him. I know how that goes. I told Arkansas Project Girlfriend (APG) I wanted to go buy a bunch of tickets and she said “no,” because I had already exhausted this year’s budget category for “throwing away money on stupid-ass shit.” Which is alarming, because it’s only September and it turns out there’s still a whole bunch of stupid-ass shit I was planning on throwing away money on this year.
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Damn the odds, Kinkade! Afterall, what are the odds that a Scottsman could make something of himself? Everyone knows that the odds of a Scotsman doing anything outside of drinking and fornicating are slim. Yet you have produced more than is typical of the men of the vile race that spewed you forth.
No, you sir are the exception of that race of drunken fools and whores. You, as living proof that the odds can be beat, should be the first in line looking to cash in on Halter’s foolishness. While the lottery will only bring most people less money to buy shoes and medicine for their kids, you, will no doubt buck the odds again and win millions. Go on, you Scotch whelp. Buy a ticket and make Halter proud.
I bet you $10 I can get you to gamble by the end of year. I will even give you odds.
nothing beats a voluntary tax…Maybe they can lower some more of the involuntary taxes now since we’ll have all those millions coming from the lottery. I know, I know…I’m going back to my re-education sessions, they’re gonna be mad that I got out again.
No more “stupid-ass shit” budget money? I hope you already bought my fruit cake for Christmas.