At Last….Arkansas Gets Its Swine Flu? (Update: Yes!)
AP is reporting that state health officials have a news conference planned this afternoon to “talk about swine flu,” and word is getting around that a case of the dreaded swine plague has been diagnosed in a school, maybe in northeast Arkansas.
Look, I know that I totally sensationalized this last week and oversold it when cases were suspected in Benton County, so we don’t want to over-react and go through that again, but I think it’s safe to say that now is the time to just go completely batshit crazy and run up and down the streets hysterically screaming and flailing your arms in the air like it’s the end times.
Oh, and wear one of those face masks while you’re at it. It just seems like the only rational response to this unconfirmed rumor.
UPDATE: GAAAA! It’s HERE! And it’s even FIVE TIMES WORSE than we imagined, with FIVE CASES CONFIRMED in CENTRAL and NORTHEAST Arkansas. Symptoms include A FATIGUED feeling and the RANDOM capitalization of WORDS when TYPING. Uh…wait a second…what was that LAST part?
I heard that the only way you can get swine flu is from being porked. Kinkade, you’re safe.
HARF HARF HARF PORKED MEANS SEX REX GOTS U GOOD KINKADE HARF HARF HARF
The worst part is that this is the most mature and intelligent exchange we’ve had on The Arkansas Project in weeks.
D.
Actually, I think Bill from Sheridian’s jokes about your mom are probably a little better than this.
HARF HARF HARF KINKADE’S MOM HAS PORKINGS — GET IT? HARF HARF HARF
The case from up here in NEA may have been a false positive. It may have simply been from “raccoon/possum food poisoning”, as there’s always been a rash of those around this time of year for some reason.