We Did It!: Arkansas in Top Five for Teen Pregnancy

A report from the Centers for Disease Control shows that Arkansas is #4 in the nation when it comes to teen pregnancies. Great work, team!

When asked to comment on the findings, former Democratic state representative Dwayne Dobbins tugged nervously at his collar and excused himself from the room.

What? You thought I was done with Dwayne Dobbins gags after his failed campaign to return to the House last fall? Not by a long shot, my friend. Not by a long shot.

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11 thoughts on “We Did It!: Arkansas in Top Five for Teen Pregnancy

  • January 7, 2009 at 2:48 pm
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    Abstinence only education at its finest!

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  • January 7, 2009 at 4:56 pm
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    Abstinence only education or a continual lessening of the stigma associated with teen sex?

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  • January 7, 2009 at 4:58 pm
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    Wait…

    Are they counting birth rates or pregnancies? An increase in birth rates may be attributable to a decline in abortion. Does the CDC study have info on both?

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  • January 7, 2009 at 6:24 pm
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    Well, I’m glad I haven’t been having all that sex with teenagers for nothing. Finally, I can sit back and bask in the triumph of my powerful semen. Honestly, its about time. I’m tired!
    But how else was I to raise an army to take on the Duggars and the Singleton-Snyders? As no one human female can out do Michelle Duggar, my only choice was to breed with multiple females. I picked the most nubile, fertile females with which to mate. It 18 years time, no one will be able to stop my army of Fourche River super-mutants, who are really pissed off and confused because they had no stable father figure in their lives. I shall call myself Cobra Commander and will force Kincade to wear a silver metal mask and call himself “Destro”. I shall take these angry children, move to a remote island and create the ultimate fighting force which I will use to try to take over the world. I shall rule with an iron fist and a mirrored blast shield…except on more casual days when I’ll just wear a navy colored hood with eye holes.
    Three cheers for my loins! Hurray! Huzzah! COBRA!

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  • January 7, 2009 at 7:13 pm
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    Oh, great, thanks, Rex. Now I’m going to be the target of an FBI investigation when they come looking for your IP address. I hope when you’re convicted they give you one of those ankle bracelet monitors with the Amber Alert signal built right in.
    D.

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  • January 7, 2009 at 8:49 pm
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    Don’t worry David, your safe. As long as he keeps misspelling Kinkade they will never catch on, and even if they do, it sets up for a nice appeal. Aren’t you related to the guy that does all the soft-light cottage paintings? I’m sure he could afford a nice lawyer for you.

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  • January 7, 2009 at 8:56 pm
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    When I rule the world with my army of bastard children, he will spell his name the way I say he will.
    And I’ll have none of his Scots foolishness, either. With his kilts and pipes and dancing around naked in the heather. I’ll give him a proper English name and he’ll like it. How about David Griswold? Or David Thistlewait? A proper English name will do him well.

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  • January 8, 2009 at 5:29 pm
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    Rex – I’m not a prude by any means – but, please, for the love of readers’ imaginations, put the pipe down for a while before you post.

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  • January 9, 2009 at 10:55 am
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    I almost bought some land on the Fourche once. But when I walked the boundaries, I could catch glimpses of a compound with what appeared to be women from Girls Gone Wild guarding the periphery. That was a nice benefit indeed, but I couldn’t deal with what sounded like a couple hundred crying babies and a dozen or so women in labor.

    Thanks to this blog, now I know!

    Reply

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